All marriages have their ups and downs – but it turns out that the “downs” tend to happen during fairly predictable periods.
Research indicates there are three key stages where marriages tend to fracture the most: the two-year, seven-year and twenty-year marks (give or take a little).
Why are these the breaking points?
The two-year mark is usually the easiest to explain. The first year of a marriage is usually the “honeymoon” phase where couples are caught up in the excitement of their union and building a life together.
However, some couples quickly discover they’re incompatible once the excitement fades. The marriage was just a mistake. In other cases, however, one or both parties can’t adjust to the natural reduction of those intense romantic feelings. That can lead to infidelity as they seek to recapture the “magic” they felt before.
The seven-year mark is a little more complex, but it generally relates to the fact this is when marriage becomes very routine. Work, school and kids can hold a couple into predictable patterns, but those patterns can also reinforce unhealthy coping mechanisms or unresolved conflicts. Couples who want to survive this stage have to commit to understanding the fact that relationships constantly change, and they have to change the way they relate to each other over time.
Finally, the twenty-year mark is when life starts to reverse itself. Careers may be winding down. Children are leaving home. Couples suddenly are left alone with each other, again, and they may suddenly find that they don’t have much in common.